Friday's Freakishly Configured Fellow

"Yo, goggle eyed ugly guy of indeterminate ethnicity here, sayin' cut me some slack, man! Jahever think maybe you three dimensional fleshopoids are pretty funny looking to us ballpoint doodle people too?"

Bedtime Story

Well, here's another really old doodle I found, and Lord knows what I was dreaming about when I drew it. Probably thought I was being clever. What I was dreaming when I slept LAST night had to do with those Vytorin commercials on TV... you know, the ones where all your relatives not only look like food, but RHYME with food ("chili con carne or your cousin Arnie") In my dream everyone was, indeed, walking around looking like beef brisket or Twinkies and it struck me the only food item that rhymes with my name is "gravy" so I was afraid to look in the mirror. But, now, that isn't what we were talking about, is it?

Little Red and Company

These would seem to be the separate components of a popular fairy tale. Dunno. I found this old doodle and decided to color in the riding hood just to make sure everyone could figure old exactly what was going on here. No rescuing hunter visible, so perhaps this version has a different resolution.

Family Portrait

Well, not my family. Somebody's family. Mother. Her mind gone soggy from relentless overexposure to prescription drugs and "Designing Women" reruns. Father. Driven. Ruthless. The powerful CEO of America's largest lug nut factory, clinging to a life philosophy as rusty and immovable as, well, you know, those THINGS you can't turn on your wheel when you get a flat tire because they're rusty and immovable. And daughter. Poor innocent, sensitive, neglected, not-exactly-the brightest-bulb-on-the-Christmas-tree daughter. A troubled trio.

Actually when I doodled this, I wasn't thinking of a family, more like random people on an elevator. Goes to show ya.

I Can't Contain My Excitement!

It's Monday and the mind reels, boggles, bends and blows at the very thought. And, when you are suddenly filled with enthusiasm, sometimes the best advise is just to shut your mouth, and hope nobody notices.

Sunday Faces

Well, I did just go to the State Fair, and there were all kinds of interesting folks there, and I did do a lot of people watching, and I did get free stuff thrust at me like brand new, juicy ballpoints (and tooth whitener, now that I think about it, although that doesn't figure into the creation of this doodle much). I coulda broken in said pens drawing all the different sub-species of deep fried food that I ate, but I opted for a bunch of faces instead. What can I say? I'm a people person.

Draw Me!

Okay, she's not a pirate or a turtle or anything, but the longer I stared at this one after I drew her, the more she started to look like something on a matchbook cover.

No Matter How You Look At It...

I guess if i were to buy a pony costume on eBay this is what I'd end up with. Actually, this might also illustrate how you can forget about that "Good Cop/Bad Cop" crap, because in some outfits, both the partners are a horse's patoot.

Brow Beaten

It's Thursday, and nothing says it's-almost-the-weekend-but-not-quite like a quick cartoon of a little guy with big eyebrows. Huge eyebrows. Breshnev eyebrows. Dukakis eyebrows. Boxcar eyebrows. Eyebrows as thick as an Amazonian rain forest. As luxurious as the orange shag carpeting in the bedroom in the old house, you know, before the accident with the disco shoes, and the snagging, and the first waterbed and what a mess that was! I'm tellin' ya... big eyebrows.

And his nose isn't exactly tiny either.

Spooky Looking Hypnotist Guy

Look into my eyes. You are getting sleepy... sleepier...sleepier... Actually I WAS a little drowsy when I did this one. And even though it took three different markers, a grease pencil and a whole 90 seconds to complete this one doodle, I was apparently so bored with the little bastard, I didn't bother to add a tuxedo or a turban or anything to complete the effect. And now that I look at him, I'm not sure he's a hypnotist after all. He's starting to look more doggy than debonair around the nose to me now. Maybe it's just this caption that's trance inducing.

Well, We're On Our Way Now!

Maybe he's racing down to the nearest Shell station. HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, oh, I know there's no excuse that. Sorry. But I was thinking about how fast August has zoomed by, kinda making you question that whole "Crazy, LAZY Days of Summer" thing. It's obvious that summer is your speediest season and we just sail through those last few weeks, and, of course, that slide goeth before a fall. HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, okay I'll stop now.

Creepy Little Invasion

Not sure whether this is some sort of interplanetary menagerie or a contemplation of the germ assault during the upcoming flu season. Okay, a couple of these beasties look a little too metallic to pass as actual biological viruses, but I'm thinkin' if you stare at this bunch long enough, you will start to feel woozy.

"I'm a Jazz Baby! Yeah!"

Everybody Charleston! I'm not exactly sure when and where everyone got together and voted on calling the twenties "Roaring", but it seems to have been nearly unanimous. And "roaring" is a pretty eccentric adjective for an era, now that I think about it. Do you describe anything else as roaring, I mean anything you wouldn't find in a zoo? As to our own day and age, need I point out nobody has even figured out what to call the damn decade in the first place?

The Hip Bone's Connected to the... Wait a Minute...

Well, okay. Even I don't know what the hell this is all about, but it's been a long day. And a confusing one... so I guess I'm a little shakey as to what hooks up to what at the precise moment. Let's just all remember one thing leads to another, and if you wait long enough, the one thing you're sure to get is a little surprised.

Doggie Daycare (also Kitty and Mousie)

The kids say they're glad it's Friday and they're glad they have animal heads and they're glad I drew them in ballpoint even though they're kinda hard to reproduce because, after all, they are kids and they shouldn't go around reproducing anyway.

Y-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I !

OH MY GOSH! ALERT! ATTENTION! LISTEN UP! THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT! I THINK MY CAPS LOCK KEY IS STUCK AND I'M GOING TO HAVE TO TALK LIKE THIS ALL DAY!!!!! Wait a minute. That worked. Okay. Everyone relax. Everything's cool.

We Bend Over Backwards

Well, here ya go. Two doodles for the price of one. Both drawn within seconds of each other. With the same pencil. And no sharpening in between. 'Course it looks like I mostly used the edge of the damn thing for that picture of the guy. Nevertheless. We're talking value here.

Long Phone Call

Doodled this during one business call. And, yes, I WAS paying attention to the party on the other end... it's just that the conversation was going on so l-o-n-g. In the age of cell phones, I imagine many people would be gratified to think the person they phoned was only scribbling as they talked, considering the plethora of alternative activities now available.

Look Out!

"Wait. What's that heading towards us? Here it comes, rumbling up at top speed... Ye gods! It's here! It's here and it's Monday! Monday all over the place! "

Ang Zia with a Capital 'T"

A wise man once told me success is never permanent, and most failure isn't fatal. Except I don't think it was a man. Probably a greeting card. Doesn't matter. Still sounds good. I should also mention I did this doodle with a metallic ink marker, so for maximum effect imagine those hieroglyphic thingees shimmering at you.

Guy with a Bad Attitude

"I couldn't CARE less, which is to say I COULD care less, which is to say I could NOT care less, which is to say as to caring, I am DOING a lot less of it than before, which is to say the sheer possibility of me actively giving CAREful consideration to the subject to a LESSer degree, an even smaller increment, is, frankly, like, a joke. Let's talk about it some more."

Herr and Her

Okay, so I'm saying this is some kind of turn of the century Austrian couple, and when I say turn of the century, I'm talkin' 19th into 20th. Which brings up the question; how long will people let people like me say 'turn of the century' when in fact, we're being infuriatingly nonspecific, referring to, for all you know any given turn of any given century? Is there a statute of limitations on colloquialisms?

I Never Sausage Nonsense

Okay, so now I'm wiener boy, and you can say what you like out my skinny, skinny legs and no arms. I've got natural casing... tough skin, so I can take it. Hey, and don't think I'm one of those giddy, anthropomorphized spokes-products, some smiley icon who's shilling for the man, telling you to run out and buy Whoozis brand hot dogs, or whatever. I hate those guys. Those bastards would sell out their own family for a soft corporate job. Personally, I don't care what the hell you have for lunch, just stay away from me, 'cause I've got my own problems.

Long Neck, Short Note

Not much to say here. I'm supposed to be on deadline with two clients, both of whom I promised delivery yesterday (sigh...). Must. Work. Faster. So, in the meantime, here's something I did real quick, without really thinking (well, maybe I thought a little about that earring.)

Three White Guys

Well, more or less white. The one on the end is downright swarthy. They all seem to share a pretty questionable taste in neckwear, though. I'm gonna say the dark complected fellow is wearing a bolo tie. You just don't hear much about bolo ties. Am wondering if there was ever a golden age of bolo ties. Did thick and thin bolo ties ever come in and out of fashion? Did people who use real bolos wear bolo ties? (And when I say 'people', I mean gauchos, right? I mean do other kinds of folks run around with bolos?) Too many questions? I'll shut up now.

I'm of Two Minds...

Wanted to sketch something kinda realistic, sort of a gesture drawing to show everyone how truly observant I am, but on the other hand I figured wouldn't it be cute to spit out some funny thing with a sweet little doggie or cat or something, but then I thought it might be nice to show people I still am, after all, an artist, but then again it's a lotta fun just to just bang out some happy little bastard for a quick giggle, but, let's face it, the most interesting pictures are of things that are real, that do actually exist, but, of course, not everybody thinks THAT, for heaven's sake, or there wouldn't be any fantasy, but on the other hand... say, how many hands is that?

Throne Out of Bounds

Don't know why my doodle is all about royalty today, but I DID see a wonderful DVD collection of 1930's Little King cartoons recently. Very musical, very happy. Must be it.

Bombast

And let it be duly noted, for, mark my words, we're sending a message here: we will not let this stand! Unless, of course, it turns out to be something that should stand, in which case, STAND IT SHALL, come hell, high water or hotcha. I'll be dead, spinning in my grave, before some band of cretins comes sashaying along to undo all the glorious deeds we done did. Therefore, henceforth and ergo, let it be said, and said proudly and loudly, so there can be no doubt whatsoever, lest we ever forget... uh... where was I again?

Get Tough!

Friday afternoon, and I've got to plow through all the leftover stuff I said I'd do four and three quarter days ago. I'm furiously pushing all my paperwork from one side of the keyboard to the other, and like the little rough-neck here, I've got to calm down, shut up and tough it out. Full steam ahead... a welcoming weekend awaits!

Glum and Glummer

He dropped the car off at the shop this morning, and just got the call from the mechanic. Or maybe his colonoscopy is scheduled for this afternoon. Your guess is as good as mine. Sorry we couldn't cook up someone looking a little happier today. Being a cartoon character can't be all beer and skittles ya know...

Daily Doodle

News Years Resolution... eight months late. Henceforth, I WILL post one doodle every day, no matter what is crawling out of my little sketchbook at the moment. Since I draw a lot faster than I write, rest assured any editorial content will be slight and to the point. Assuming I have one.